i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
