Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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