smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
