the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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