Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
