he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
