Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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