omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
