So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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