I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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