i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
