i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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