OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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