My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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