just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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