Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
