and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
