bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
