period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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