Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
