Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
