Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
