So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
