i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
