My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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