I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
