I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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