So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
