YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
