As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
