Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
