If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
