I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
