Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
