Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
