I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just had sex on a roof
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
