i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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