That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
