she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
