i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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