Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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