Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
