That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
