im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
