No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
