I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
