You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
