Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
