ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's shark week go big or go home
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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