You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I touched a dick in church today
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
