that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
