your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
